Fallen from Grace [Part Two of the Thicker than Blood Series]

  My brain was in turmoil as I drove home after my last shift for four days. Could Matt actually be in love with me? I analyzed our interactions over the course of our friendship. He was kind, a giving lover and was always there for me when I needed him... well, except for now. Matt never bought me flowers or suggested we go out to a romantic dinner... so what was it Marie was seeing that I wasn't?

  At a red light, I noticed that clouds were rolling in from the west. Looked like we'd be getting some rain. I sighed. Rain would be perfect to fit my current emotional state. Perhaps I could hibernate for the next twelve hours.

  If Matt was in love with me, would I be open to being with him? And what of Dr. Amante? He was hot and passionate to be sure, but his strange hot-and-cold behavior paired with his almost stalker persona left a lot to be desired. Though my internal monologue was maddening, I had to smile. I couldn't think of another time that I had two men wanting to be with me, if that was truly the case.

  After parking the car in the garage, I went right to bed. Despite my mind churning with questions, sleep found me rather quickly.

  I spent the next couple of days catching up on reading and watching a few of my favorite TV shows. I also tried to get in touch with Matt one more time, but again, no answer. I left him another message, but I told him I was beginning to worry about him – and I was. In the time I knew him, I don't think we've ever gone so long without talking.

  When Wednesday finally rolled around, I couldn't have been more excited. I finally had something to do that would draw my attention away from the two men. After a short walk, I met Tiffany at the Galleria Mall's entrance around 5:00 p.m.

  She looked her usual cute self; long, black hair framed her beautiful face and wearing a small, pink baby-t and jeans. I dwarfed her in more ways than one... she was about five foot and a size 0. We were quite the contrast. A large and tall, white woman with bright-red hair and the short, thin, Hispanic woman. She made me feel like an Amazon.

  “Hey! There's my little stranger!” I called out to her as we neared.

  “Long time, no see!” She smiled as we hugged.

  Tiffany shared nearly all of my interests, with the exception of music. She enjoyed current pop music while I preferred alternative and classic rock. We used to try and take in a few concerts, but we would end up hating the others selection that we stopped going.

  “So, how goes it? Haven't heard too much from you since Friday,” Tiffany asked.

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I have so much to catch you up on... I've been trying to save it up, but I swear, if there was any more, I'd burst!” And that was the truth. I was dying to tell her all about Dr. Amante and what Matt said... but I was afraid that everything would come out as one giant jumbled mess over the phone.

  “You wanna have dinner now so we can talk about it or you wanna do some shopping first?” She asked as she tried to lead me forward, but then turned back to me quickly. “Wait, did you meet someone?”

  I smiled.

  Tiffany jumped. “Oh, you did! Tell me!”

  “Uh... okay. I met someone, he's... different. And something weird happened at the hospital. Also, I think Matt is in love with me,” I blurted out, unable to contain it for another second.

  “Whoa! You've had quite a week! Start with this guy. Who is he?” Tiffany loved juicy gossip and I was going to spill a ton of it for her.

  “His name is Alex Amante, he's a new cardiologist with the Welch Group.” Tiffany grinned from ear to ear as I continued. “He's tall, like six-two, has black, wavy hair, olive skin and these beautiful caramel-colored eyes.”

  “Wow, sounds hot...”

  “He is,” I said as I pulled out my phone, googling Dr. Amante. “He has this faint Italian accent too.”

  “Nice... he's Italian?”

  “I think so...,” I said and held up my phone, showing her his hospital photo. “That's him. Matt says his name is Alessandro.”

  She narrowed her eyes looking at the image and smiled. “Alessandro,” Tiffany repeated with a heavy Spanish accent, rolling the r. “He's really hot. Did you guys go out?”

  “No, actually. We... we just kissed.”

  “Wait... what?” Tiffany stopped to stare at me. “You haven't gone out... so where's he kissing you?”

  “On the mouth... for now...,” I said with a smirk.

  Tiffany sighed and put her hands on her hips. “You know what I mean...”

  “I know.” I laughed. “Actually, it's very... I don't know. The first time he kissed me, it was in a patient's room.”

  “What?” Her left brow rose.

  “Yeah. Never met the guy before, I go into my patient's room and he's there charting. I think we exchanged like two sentences and he backed me against the all... and kissed me.” My stomach fluttered, suddenly filled with butterflies with the thought of that moment. “Thankfully, my patient was a deep sleeper... but it was... amazing and terrifying at the same time. He made me feel like I was floating and like I was prey.”

  Her eyes were big. “Are you serious?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, and then he just left.”

  “Left?”

  “As in left the hospital.”

  “Just like that... he didn't say anything... he kissed you and then left?”

  “Pretty much... but then it happened again on Sunday night, when I was floated to the ER. I was on the roof having coffee and he came up behind me. God, I can't tell you how strange it all was. He was conflicted about being there... and he kissed me again.” I paused, trying to gather my thoughts. “And then, I stepped back to look at something, when I turned around... he was gone.”

  “Gone?”

  “Yeah. He left without a sound... although I did see his foot prints through the puddle on the roof.”

  “Have you seen him since?”

  “No.”

  Tiffany rubbed the back of her neck. “Oh... kay. What are your thoughts on all of this?”

  My mind had been tossing that around since Dr. Amante first kissed me. “I don't know. Matt told me to stay away from him.”

  “Matt knows him?”

  I shook my head and shrugged. “I don't know. When I told him of the incident, he got angry. He said Amante was toxic. He basically yelled at me, telling me to stay away from the guy and I haven't seen Matt since.”

  Tiffany looked away for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed. She grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to a bench and we both sat down.

  “Okay... Matt's obviously jealous. But,” Tiffany said as she looked me in the eyes. “Why did you wait until now to tell me all of this? I'm sure it's been eating you alive.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Honestly, I kept expecting to wake from a dream.” My eyes looked at the tiled floor but remained unfocused. “Then, to top it off, we had a guy come into the ER. After he passed away, a cop questioned most of us. Later, I asked the others about it, they had no idea what I was talking about, like the cop never existed.

  Tiffany just stared.

  “So, yeah. It's been a very weird weekend.”

  “They didn't remember the cop?”

  I shook my head. “Like he never was there. The funny thing was... the cop tried to tell me to forget about him. So... did he tell the others the same... and they really forget him?”

  Tiffany opened her mouth, but thought more before she spoke. “Kenna, I am at a loss. I have no advice or thoughts on that. Actually, if it were me, I'd probably be freaking out but you were always much better at dealing with stuff than I was.”

  Stretching my hands out, I yawned. “Meh. Pair that crap with
sleep deprivation and it just turns into a giant grey blob of confusion. I still haven't heard from Matt.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  “I'm not sure. I've tried talking to Amante. He said we'd talk later, but I think he was just blowing me off. I've tried calling Matt, but he's not answering.”

  “Figures, huh? Two hot men in your life and you can't reach either of them.”

  “You think Matt's hot?”

  “Yeah-uh! I'd do him.”

  An evil smile curved my lips. “And I have!” I jested.

  Tiffany pushed me with a shoulder. “Stop hogging all the men, whore!” She said, smiling.

  I laughed.

  “Seriously though... if you had to pick one...,”

  Christ, I hadn't even thought about that. “It's too early to say. I mean, on one hand, I don't know Amante that well. On the other hand, uh... I'm not even sure Matt is in love with me.”

  Tiffany's head snapped towards me. “Okay, seriously? It's been obvious since day one! That dude is head over heels. I thought you were aware of it.”

  So both Marie and Tiffany were convinced Matt was in love with me? “You don't know that...”

  “You don't see the way he looks at you?”

  I frowned. He doesn't look at me in any particular way... “We're just friends.”

  “Maybe to you. I've seen him stare at you on more than one occasion.”

  “He stares at me?”

  Tiffany giggled. “Yeah. It's not a 'checking you out' stare, but more 'look how perfect she is' stare.” She nodded. “You know what I mean? That dreamy stare. And that was a year and a half ago. He has it bad for you, girl.”

  Shit. I sighed. “Why didn't you tell me before?”

  “Because I thought you knew! A blind person could see he's in love with you.”

  I stared at Tiffany. If everyone else could see it, why couldn't I? To me, he just seemed like a good friend. Never did I think he wanted more. If he was in love with me, why didn't he tell me so? We'd been having sex as friends for two years... and he knew we were 'just friends' with no strings attached. Part of me felt guilty, like I had been stringing him along this whole time... but there was no reason for me to feel that way. I didn't know how Matt felt.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, just have a lot to think about.” I pinched my nose high on its bridge and sighed. “So, what about you? What have you been up to?”

  Tiffany laughed. “I certainly can't top that!” She stood. “Come on, you need some shopping therapy.”

  We spent the next couple of hours drifting from store to store while Tiffany chatted about her family, movies, music and celebrity gossip. I zoned in and out of her conversation despite my attempts to remain focused. I was growing tired of hearing my own thoughts as they seemed to just be stuck on repeat.

  “Lets go get some dinner. I need a drink,” I suggested as Tiffany was looking at the newest shipment of Coach purses Nordstrom's had received.

  She picked up a brightly colored wristlet and smiled. “Okay. Let me pay for this little guy first.”

  After Tiffany dealt with a clerk that apparently didn't want to be at work, we went to the Loft, one of our favorite places for girls night out. Situated on the edge of a creek, the Loft offered fantastic French/American cuisine and a nice selection of wines. We settled on a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon blend and shared an artisan cheese plate.

  Lifting the wine to my lips for a first taste, I glanced out the window to the creek behind the restaurant. I paused. A familiar face was out on the patio... Matt. He was sitting by himself, facing the stream, having a beer.

  “What...,” I said, not realizing that I had said it out loud, interrupting Tiffany. I couldn’t believe he was at the same place we were.

  “What is it?” She looked at me and then trailed where my eyes were focused. “Is that Matt?”

  I nodded. “Small world.” I drank nearly half of my wine and sat the glass on the table. “I'll be right back, okay?”

  “Okay.” Tiffany eyed me. “Good luck.”

  I wove through the tables toward the back door, going outside. As he sat alone, Matt didn't seem himself. He looked good as always, wearing jeans and t-shirt that hugged his every muscle, but there was more. I was used to the happy, almost always positive man. This wasn't what I saw now. His brow was furrowed and while he held an almost determined look on his handsome face, there was something else there... something bordering tragic.

  “Hello, Kenna.” Matt knew it was me without turning in my direction.

  I stood next to the table, staring down at him, unsure of what to say. This was the first time since I had met him that I felt uncomfortable. The air around us was charged.

  “What are you doing here?” That's what I thought to say? Great....

  “I'm leaving,” he said, still staring at the creek.

  “You haven't been here long, have you?” There was only faint water ring on the table, leading me to assume he just arrived.

  “No... I'm leaving town.”

  “Wha...,” I started but failed. My heart thundered in my chest. He was leaving? “Wh... where are you going?”

  He turned the beer bottle in his hand and stared at the back label. “I'm going to go home for a while.”

  I thought hard. I honestly didn't know where home was to him. I could feel heat rising to my cheeks, both from embarrassment and tension. How could I not know where my friend was from? I couldn't ask him now and admit to that... perhaps he told me and I didn't hear? I'm such a terrible friend.

  “Why?” I heard myself ask.

  “For my own sanity,” he said, lifting the beer to his lips, draining it of the remaining fluid. His tone was flat, void of all affect. “I need to step back from reality for a while.”

  He was leaving because of me. There was no other explanation. I stood there next to him, not knowing what to do. I reached out and hesitantly fidgeted with the hem on the arm of his t-shirt. He flinched lightly from my touch.

  “Matt, if you're mad at me... if I've done something...” I should be able to offer my friend words of comfort, but I had nothing.

  His brow furrowed even more – eyes still forward. Setting the bottle on the table, Matt stood. He was standing just inches away from me – the heat radiating from his body brought the scent of his cologne to my nose. I looked up from his shirt and our gaze locked. I gasped. His eyes were an electric blue pool of confusion. While he was attempting to mask his feelings, his eyes told me everything I needed to know. Just this one look confirmed what Marie and Tiffany had said... Matt loved me. I don't think I've ever felt so small in my life. How could I be so freakin' blind?

  Before I could gather my thoughts and say something to him, he quickly kissed my cheek. “Good bye, Kenna,” he whispered next to my ear, and left.

  Mouth open, I watched him make his way through the maze of chairs and tables to the front of the restaurant. What was I to do now? My brain was overloaded from the happenings of last week, now I had to add this. I sat down hard on the metal chair Matt vacated. It was still warm. My friend was gone. Would I ever see him again? I felt like my heart was going to burst. Tears filled my vision.

  “Hey,” Tiffany said.

  I looked up, she was standing next to me with our waiter behind her, our wine and appetizer in hand. “Right here would be great, if this is okay?” She said to the server.

  The blonde girl smiled. “Sure, no problem, ladies.”

  Tiffany sat down next to me as the young woman arranged the food in front of us.

  Brushing several strands of hair from my face, Tiffany said, “so...”

  I sniffed and attempted to dry my eyes with a napkin. “He left. He's going home.” I picked up my glass of Cabernet and drank all that remained. “He said it was for his sanity.”

  “Kenna, how do you feel about him?” I looked at Tiffany. Her eyes were hard and she crossed her arms. Why did she look like she was upset?

  “What?”<
br />
  “I mean, he told you he was leaving and you didn't try to stop him? Why not? I would have tried to get him to talk to me at least.”

  I stared. She was right. Why didn't I? I just stood there like a horses ass. Regardless of my uncertainty about feelings of love towards Matt, he was still my friend... and I just watched him walk away. It was possible I would never see him again. Good God, could this week get any worse? Tears began to flow down my cheek. “You're right. I should have tried to stop him.”

  “Well, just give him some time.” Her tone softened. “He'll be back, I mean, he has to for work, right?”